....And you wonder why....

So it's another slow tuesday at the bar. Around 12 am, there are only guys around to keep me entertained. I tried to have a conversation with them, but quickly decided that I would rather chew on tinfoil. Unable to resist the women in me, I can't help but to evesdrop. The conversation is about how he had finally found himself a good chic, and wants advice on when it is appropriate to try and 'make his move'. Apparently the first one that he hasn't wanted to cheat on. Before, he didn't care about hurting anyone or even about getting caught. He finally didn't meet a girl at a bar.......(didn't really know how to take that one, but i'm not going to be dating him, so I guess no harm done). His friend talks about how he hasn't had sex since his last girlfriend. Which was about 8 months ago ....(So sad). Then the conversation goes into how they just love a girl who gives out blowjobs with no strings attached, and how it's even better when they want nothing in return. At this point, I wanted to cut in and say, "And you wonder why the two of you are sitting at the bar on Tuesday at midnight...with eachother..you douches"!! At this point there is a women sitting at the end of the bar. I've seen her come in quite a few times before, and I know to keep the conversation very surface. If not, she will suck you in to listening to her babble about things that you really don't care about without ever letting you get a word in. Knowing this, you could imagine the joy I got out of this man walking down to her, throwing out one of his lines, and inviting her down to the other end of the bar to join him. She talked and talked so much, that his friend got up and left. This goes on until 2am, and continues outside in front of the bar after we had closed. At the end of the conversation, where I think I can actually see his ears bleeding, he throws it out there if he could come back to her place. He gets SHOT DOWN. To all you ladies out there, I hope you never fall for this Loser. To all you men, REALLY?!?

Nothing in Life is Free

It's 5:40 pm, I'm just getting to work for my shift starting at 6. I'm chattin with Pattie, trying to catch up with eactothers lives. I hear an EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME...I turn my head as this big haired young looking kid asked me if the Yankees played last night. I just gave him a look like Why the Fuck do I care if the Yankees played last night. After the awkward silent pause I told him yes. Then he asks me if they won, again I tell him yes. 30 secs later......Excuse me Excuse me. I walk over to him, and he asks me (in front of my boss) if I could fill his coffee cup that he had brought with him. I tell him that it is going to be $2. He says to me that the other girl said that she would just fill it, Why do I have to pay for it? I said back to him, "We don't grow the coffee here, we have to pay for it, therefore you too have to pay for it. He says, "If I knew this was gonna be the case, I would just go to wawa." I told him to enjoy his walk, and don't be surprised if they don't fill it up for free either. Now, he wants to try his luck with Pattie. He tells her that he just wants her to top it off. She says, "Well if it ends up being a half of a cup, I will only charge you half." He asks, "How much is that gonna be?" HALF OF WHAT WE ALREADY TOLD YOU, YOU DUMB SHIT. Now at this point, everyone at the bar has jokes. Asking if they can get there drinks topped off for free. This kid hears them....EXCUSE ME MISS, EXCUSE ME. Pattie walks down to him. He tell her that he doesn't like my temperament, and asks when her shift begins and ends so that he can come back only when she is working. I bust out laughing as he walks away. She gives me a look and says, "FML, that's what I get for being nice." Lesson Learned.

Don't Flag Me Down

Listen, when you are sitting at the bar, and your glass runneth empty...There is no need to flag me down. Don't hold your cup in the air, Don't point at it, Don't snap your fingers, Don't bang it on the bar.....I KNOW IT IS EMPTY!! It is my job to know that it is empty. When you see me walking down towards you, I don't need you to pick it up and show me. What do you think I am coming down there for?!? That move right there makes want to pick up that glass and launch it at your face. I keep track of everyone at the bar. I know what you all are drinking. I know when each of you has had enough. When I am done doing whatever it is that I am doing, I will come down and re-fill your drink.

Cape Codder!!

Cape Codder!!

Are you kidding me?!?

So a group of people come into the bar, and sit down at the table. One of the guys gets up and orders a drink for this STUPID girl. He asks me for a cape codder (with a slight question in his tone). Obviously not knowing what that was because he is a normal human being who goes out to bars and drinks, he asked me if I knew what that was. I say yes, thinking in my mind, of course i know what that is I am a bartender. I reply to him with a slight chuckle that is was a vodka and cranberry. This heffer gets up and walks over to the bar and say "actually it is a vodka and cranberry with a lime", "that's what we call it in Maine". REALLY, is that what you people in Maine came up with?!? BECAUSE I SWORE I READ THAT IN THE WORLD'S FIRST BARTENDING BOOK. oooooohhhhhh I was so mad. I wanted to tell her that only people from many generations past, or assholes who want to look like they know what they are talking about call it that. I wanted to say to her, Bitch i do this for a living, PLEASE don't insult me.

When are we going to get a day?!?

Lets see...We have Teacher appreciation day, Administrative Professionals Day, National Boss Day.  Let's not forget there is a whole day dedicated to playing pranks on people (April Fools Day), and even that damn groundhog gets his own day.

What I'm saying is that we bartenders are feeling very underappreciated.  We do our part in helping the people.  We give life advice to people when they are down and out.  We give relationship advice when people are confused and don't know what to do.  We are expected to make that 21st bday party the most fun that those kids have ever seen, when frankly we don't give a shit if you make it to 21 shots....all we care about is that you don't puke all over the bar.  We listen, smiling and nodding, and pretending (most of the time) to give a damn!

Do you have any idea how hard this job can be?!?  Besides all the long hours of standing on your feet, and all the heavy lifting......mentally it can be exhausting.

I have a regular that comes in.  He is never happy, everything in his life sucks, and all he wants is to sit there and bitch in my ear for the 30 mins he sits at the bar.  For 3 years now I have had to stare at him, and smile and nod, all the while trying not to let him bring me down and start thinking about all the bad stuff in my life.  Believe it or not people....Bartenders have shit goin on in there world too.   You try wearing that fake smile for 8hrs or so when your personal life is on the verge of collappsing.   Go ahead.....try it for a day.

I have had a women, whom i adore, come in and completely break down about how this is the 3rd time she has had cancer.  That she feels to blame because she had to bury her daughter who died from the same type of cancer, and she couldn't afford to help with her medical bills.  Then told me she wishes the cancer would have killed her.  Kind of a heavy when something like that is dropped on you and instantly have to find the right thing to say.

These are just a couple of examples of life on the other side of the bar that people don't seem to realize, and rarely appreciate.

I opened this blog for all of my fellow bartenders to have a place to exchange stories, vent, and say what you really wanted to say but couldnt.